Communication is the Key
Bear Lake at Dawn (Rocky Mountain National Park)
One of the highlights of my sabbatical was hiking at the break of dawn in the mountains of Colorado and enjoying hours and hours of conversation with Jesus along the paths. Whether talking out loud or silently contemplating the love of God, it felt as if God’s goodness and faithfulness were lifting me to higher heights than I could’ve ever imagined. Heaven felt close and my troubles seemed like little ant hills.
There were numerous moments in which I sensed God’s still, small voice - not audible words, but the sense of a loving and clear response followed by an increase of peace, hope, and joy. Those conversations were captured in many pictures and journal pages. I want to remember the things God showed me, but I can’t rely on those moments to sustain me forever.
Healthy relationships are dependent upon ongoing, effective communication.
My son and daughter-in-law have recently experienced the reality of military life in which families are separated by thousands of miles for months on end. Thankfully, they were able to make good use of technology, thereby allowing them the ability to communicate nearly every day of his nine-month deployment. My son was able to see and hear his girls, they were able to talk to their daddy and hear his voice, and their mom was able to be reassured of his love and care, and (God-willing) his eventual return.
Thankfully, he did return home. Oh, the joy of this young family’s long-awaited reunion. Now they can finally be together and communicate in person - flesh and blood, no screens!
Whether we’re engaging in a face-to-face conversation in the same room, or we’re regularly communicating through other means, we are experiencing one of the hallmarks of God’s incredible design. We were created for relationship by a relational God, and our relationships are strengthened when we are truly seen, heard, understood, accepted and loved.
This is certainly true when we think about our relationship with God. Being with Jesus involves ongoing, effective communication. In their book, *Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel, Jim Wilder and co-authors propose a method for strengthening our communication with Jesus called Interactive Gratitude. Their premise is that we miss God’s presence and fail to experience God’s shalom because we don’t recognize the ways in which God is regularly communicating with us. “Shalom is a state of harmony where everything works together, makes sense and is good. Shalom is the ‘peace of Christ.’” (p.3)
Thanks to incredible advancements in brain science we now know that “neural pathways in our brains have relational circuits that may be open, alert or impaired.” Our brains are designed to thrive in a relational state in which we are “receptive to interaction with God and people.” (p.2)
“The structure in the brain called the cingulate cortex makes it possible for meaningful communication to occur between two different minds by establishing a mutual-mind state. When establishing a mutual-mind state, we learn to think and feel the way people we love think and feel… As we have been raised with Jesus and set our minds on things above, our thoughts will naturally rhyme with God’s thoughts through our growing intimacy with him.” (pp.3-4)
In other words, learning to think God’s thoughts will help us remain in ongoing, effective communication, resulting in peace and growing intimacy.
How do we grow in learning to think God’s thoughts? Certainly, we come to know God through reading scripture and growing in our understanding of God’s heart and will. The Bible is appropriately called “The Word of God” and we cannot overlook our soul’s deep need to allow God’s Spirit to communicate with us through the words that have been carried down through the ages.
We also learn to think God’s thoughts by regularly engaging in the practice of prayer. God wants us to come with our deepest hurts, our greatest hopes, and everything in between. Indeed, we are reassured through God’s word: The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18 NIV) God meets us right where we are as we draw near and communicate everything on our hearts - the good, the bad, the ugly. Bring it all. Everything belongs.
The best part of prayer is that it is not a monologue. Effective communication is a dialogue marked by both speaking and listening with an intent to understand what the other party is really saying. As with any healthy relationship, we are privileged to have an ongoing conversation with God that literally forms in us a greater capacity to give and receive love.
Interactive gratitude is prayer with a focus on both sharing and hearing. Begin by giving thanks to God. What are you grateful for? Write it down. The second part is the secret sauce: take some time to listen and perceive God’s response, then write it down.
“The response back from God is the essential part of interactive gratitude. Without reciprocity from Him we wouldn’t be connected… Two elements are needed in order to grow a bond between two persons: one is an increasing quality of the interactions and the other is an increasing frequency of these exchanges.” (pp.17-18)
In many relationships we often fear being misunderstood, rejected, or hurt, so we communicate in unhealthy ways. It may come out as sarcasm, or criticism, or accusation, or placation. We assume motives in others while completely missing our own motives and blindspots. The relational signal is weak. The communication is doomed.
The way back to healthy connection is through trust, and trust is strengthened through positive experiences. Interactive gratitude is a simple but powerful tool to help us grow in trust as we choose to be present to the presence of God in the present moment. After all, this is where our relationship with God is actually taking place.
Being with Jesus and becoming people of love is the point - ongoing, effective communication is the key.
*Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel by E. James Wilder, Anna King, John Loppnow, Sungshim Loppnow (Copyright 2015; Revised 2020)