Strong at the Broken Places
Dr. Sandra Varley (LPC) is the founder of Living Water Soul Care and an experienced licensed Clinical Psychologist living in Colorado. She is also a trained Spiritual Director. The following article is the first of a series of reflections called “Strong at the Broken Places.” We are grateful for the opportunity to share this helpful reflection with our LifePoint Resources community. Visit Living Water Soul Care to learn more about Dr. Varley’s practice.
Broken Open
Strong at the Broken Places is an often-quoted phrase in any discussion of spiritual growth and resilience. But what exactly does that mean? How does one become “strong at the broken places”? To begin our exploration, let’s look more closely at the original context of the phrase. Ernest Hemingway is the first writer to pen these words. In Farewell to Arms, Hemingway wrote, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” Hemingway was right: “The world breaks everyone.”
Disappointment, loss, and failure are part of human life. We can’t not be impacted by these inevitable experiences. That impact can mean feeling “in pieces,” or shattered - in a word, devastated. It’s ok to feel broken. Yet, we are told to “hang in there,” or to “be strong.” How many times a day are we asked, “how are you”? The expected answer is “fine, and you?” The true answer to that question might be, “I’m horrible,” or “I don’t know how to continue on.”
In many spiritual traditions, feeling broken is described as being broken-hearted. The “brokenhearted” are people who are weakened, crushed, or destroyed in spirit. The term names those who feel spiritually bankrupted, abandoned, and helpless. These traditions remind us that feeling broken isn’t weakness. Rather, it’s a universal part of the spiritual journey. In fact, it’s an act of great strength to actually feel the upheaval of a shattered reality.
Parker Palmer, prolific author and educator, calls living this truth “standing in the tragic gap.” This gap is that place after the wished-for dream or plan has been crushed and the very real heartache is flooding the soul. To stand in this gap does take great strength. It is essential to do so, because, in this gap come not just the pain but the openness to the healing of it. The space between is also the place that can lead to greater empathy for self or others.
In the great Book from the Christian faith, Psalm 34:18 says that God is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God doesn’t push away or judge anyone who struggles. The opposite happens: The Spirit of Love, which is God, comes close when we are most broken. We may not even be able to feel that love, or anything else, except broken. God will stay close by, with and within us, nonetheless.
If you are experiencing a dark, shattered time, do something kind for your soul today. Here are ideas for extending compassion to yourself during this time:
Is there someone who might have ears to hear your pain? This might include a professional person like a medical professional, counselor, or pastor. Perhaps it’s a family member or friend. Take the risk to reach out. Let someone know you’re not ok.
Pages in a journal might be a place to empty out your struggle. No fancy leather bound book with gilded pages is required. A legal tablet or spiral notebook works just as well.
Record a rant as a voice memo on your phone. Or roll up the windows in your car, crank up the music and have a good and total freak out.
Write a lament. (For more on this, go to Living Water Soul Care’s Resources page to the Handout called “Writing a Lament.”)
Reflect on a previous time of struggle in your life. What kept you going then? Remember that all things pass.
May you know that standing in the gap doesn’t mean standing alone. May you remember that it doesn’t mean drowning in misery forever. And foremost, may you find that being broken-hearted does mean being broken open to deeper places of compassion, acceptance and peace, within yourself, and with others.
Palmer, P. (2009). The broken-open heart: Living with faith and hope in the tragic gap. In Weavings: A Journal of the Christian Spiritual Life, March/April 2009, Vol. XXIV, No. 2.