The Beloved
In Brennen Manning’s book Abba’s Child, he tells the story of Mike Yaconelli, the cofounder of Youth Specialties who in a time of feeling dejected and demoralized went with his wife to L’Arche (the Ark) community in Toronto, Canada to make a five-day retreat. “He went hoping to draw inspiration from the mentally and physically handicapped people who lived there or find solace in the presence and preaching of Henri Nouwen. Instead, he found his true self.” *
Here is Yaconelli’s story as he tells it.
“It took only a few hours of silence before I began to hear my soul speaking. It only took being alone for a short period of time for me to discover I wasn’t alone. God had been trying to shout over the noisiness of my life, and I couldn’t hear Him. But in the stillness and solitude, His whispers shouted from my soul, ‘Michael I am here. I have been calling you, but you haven’t been listening. Can you hear me, Michael? I love you. I have always loved you. And I have been waiting for you to hear me say that to you. But you have been so busy trying to prove to yourself that you are loved….that you have not heard me.’
“I heard him, and my slumbering soul was filled with the joy of the prodigal son. My soul was awakened by a loving Father who had been looking and waiting for me. Finally, I accepted my brokenness…I had never come to terms with that. Let me explain. I knew I was broken. I knew I was a sinner. I knew I continually disappointed God, but I could never accept that part of me. It was a part of me that embarrassed me. I continually felt that need to apologize, to run from my weaknesses, to deny who I was and concentrate on what I should be. I was broken, yes, but I was continually trying never to be broken again – or at least to get to the place where I was very seldom broken….
“At L’Arche, it became very clear to me that I had totally misunderstood the Christian faith. I came to see that it was in my brokenness, in my powerlessness, in my weakness that Jesus was made strong. It was in the acceptance of my lack of faith that God could give me faith. It was in the embracing of my brokenness that I could identify with others’ brokenness. It was my role to identify with others’ pain, not relieve it. Ministry was sharing, not dominating; understanding, not theologizing; caring, not fixing.
“What does all this mean?”
“I don’t know…and to be quite blunt, that is the wrong question. I only know that at certain times in all of our lives, we make an adjustment in the course of our lives. This was one of those times for me. If you were to look at a map of my life, you would not be aware of any noticeable difference other than a slight change in direction. I can only tell you that it feels very different now. There is an anticipation, an electricity about God’s presence in my life that I have never experienced before. I can only tell you that for the first time in my life I can hear Jesus whisper to me every day, ‘Michael, I love you. You are beloved.’ And for some strange reason, that seems enough.” (pg. 35-36)
Manning continues, “In solitary silence we listen with great attentiveness to the voice that calls us the beloved. God speaks to the deepest reaches of our souls, into our self-hatred and shame, our narcissism, and takes us through the night into the day light of His truth….” (pg. 40)
I am a person who has struggled to believe that I am loved by God; that I am His beloved. What about you? For a few minutes, close your eyes, and listen for the whisper of God to you just as He whispered to Michael. “(insert your name), I love you. You are beloved.”
Sit with this for the next few moments.
How does it feel to say it and hear it?
What do you sense in your body?
Are you able to move it from “knowing” in your head, to “feeling” it in your soul?
Staying in the “knowing” of being loved, read these words from Isaiah 43:1b,4b; and 54:10, (New Living Translation), ‘Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by your name, you are mine… You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you…The mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken.” (Isaiah 43:1b,4b; 54:10)
Manning finishes with this thought: “Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.” (pg. 42)
In this new year…
May you know God, the gentle Father, drawing you closer into the truth of His great Love.
May you hear Jesus the loving Shepherd whispering that you are the beloved.
May you feel the Presence of the Holy Spirit filling you with power to love others as you are loved.
*Manning, Brennan. Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging; Colorado Springs, Nav Press, 1994, 2002, 2015