While in Guatemala in 2013 for a two-week Intensive with Spring Arbor University, I had two very different experiences of church on the same day.

In Parker Palmer’s book, A Hidden Wholeness, he compares the soul to a wild animal and describes the soul as being both resilient and shy.

“Just like a wild animal, [the soul] seeks safety in the dense underbrush, especially when other people are around.  If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out.  But if we will walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently at the base of a tree, breathe with the earth, and fade into our surroundings, the wild creature we seek might put in an appearance.  We may see it only briefly and only out of the corner of an eye—but the sight is a gift we will always treasure as an end in itself.”

I had a moment a few years back where I recognized the state of my shy soul and took a photograph of the nature scene that served as an actual portrait of my soul. I realized and said to myself, “That’s how my soul feels!” The photo included in this article is the photo I took at that time.

I looked out the window and knew, finally, how to name what I had been experiencing over the past several months. I had tried all of the things I knew to do to help me understand what was going on deep inside of me.

I journey each day on a horse-drawn wagon. It is a fine wagon, and I do all I can to ensure that I will go smoothly to my destination. I pack the wheel bearings with grease. The horses are well-shod and seem to be well-suited to their task. Their harnesses and traces are all in good order. I review my map and carefully plan my route.

Yet, each day ends the same. I start off sure of my driving and my direction. No matter how diligently I apply myself to driving the team and following my route, I always end my day in a ditch or discovering that I am badly off my course, or both. It makes no sense. I am doing everything I can and I am getting no closer to my destination.

One evening, as I sat in my frustration, a man appeared and offered to trade his horses for mine. I was suspicious of his offer; his horses did not appear to be at all tame or suited for harness.